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"Thus conscience does make cowards of us all." - Melodramatic, corsetted mistress of the obscure
May 7th, 2009
07:58 am

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"Thus conscience does make cowards of us all."
I will start this off with something good - the liliacs in the courtyard are blooming and they smell wonderful.


Still with the anxiety attack as I walk into work. This is very tiresome. "Then get a new job!" I hear you. But the question is "Where?" and "In what field?". And, on top of that, I really don't want to move. That seriously limits my options. And on top of THAT, there's no guarantee I won't find myself in the same boat.


I dreamt of those little clickable dragon eggs I see in some journals. It was not a restful dream though. I had to keep clicking and clicking and clicking. Ugh. But it was a morning dream and that's inevitably when I fret. Wake at 4:30 5:00, 5:20, 5:40 but force myself to stop fretting long enough try to get back to sleep. I will often end up fretting in the dreams.

At this point, it's so regular it's either habit (dammit!) or something in my environment is actually waking me. It's weird. I am actually sleepy enough I don't want to get up, but I can't stay asleep.


I should conclude with something good.. Oh! I know. The Drysol is working very well without obvious side effect.

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From:oldwolf
Date:May 7th, 2009 02:15 pm (UTC)
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Depression.

Even though you don't have the outward symptoms like the sadness that comes with it. Waking at odd, early hours of the morning like that continually is a symptom of it. It's happened to me too.
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From:solan_t
Date:May 7th, 2009 02:21 pm (UTC)
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I think it was you that posted the meme about depression. I was rather disturbed by how many I could say yes to. I told myself it was a particularly down day, and that some of my answers would be different on a different day. But, alas, not all of them. I didn't even finish the meme because I was afraid of what the answer would be.
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From:oldwolf
Date:May 7th, 2009 02:27 pm (UTC)
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Yup it was. I was surprised at what I got. I thought it would be lower, but at the time I was fighting a sinus infection.

I knew there was something wrong with me back in 92', but wasn't diagnosed until recently. Early diagnosis equals early help. And even though I have it, it's not as bad as it use to be, and I can see the signs batter when I have a flare up.

Be well, be safe.

HUGS!
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From:solan_t
Date:May 7th, 2009 02:29 pm (UTC)
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Tuesday would have been 68%. Today is only 20%. I knew it was a bad day to take that test. :p
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From:oldwolf
Date:May 7th, 2009 02:33 pm (UTC)
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Yeah. I aughta take it again too.
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From:oldwolf
Date:May 7th, 2009 07:48 pm (UTC)
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I retook the test today. %44. It's down from the %72??? I had the other day during my sinus infection.
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From:clevermanka
Date:May 7th, 2009 02:40 pm (UTC)
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I'm so sorry. Please email me if you wanna just hang out some evening.
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From:solan_t
Date:May 7th, 2009 05:19 pm (UTC)
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That would be lovely. (haven't we had this conversation before and found our schedules just totally don't mesh worth beans?)
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From:clevermanka
Date:May 7th, 2009 05:19 pm (UTC)
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Yes. But I'm intentionally under-committing myself at the moment, so my schedule is...not bad.
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From:solan_t
Date:May 7th, 2009 05:36 pm (UTC)
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Monday or Tuesday?
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From:clevermanka
Date:May 7th, 2009 05:39 pm (UTC)
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I'll email ya!
From:jdack
Date:May 7th, 2009 05:13 pm (UTC)
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I've been having anxiety attacks as I walk to clock in every day for about 8 months now, even though nothing really changed and it's the same walk I've been making for 3 years.

I got into a routine of trying to sort of mind hack myself and train my brain (to dance plainly in the rain.. er sorry) to concentrate on the fact that it's just the same old routine and there's nothing different about today, and take big breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.

It... sort of works..
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From:solan_t
Date:May 7th, 2009 05:18 pm (UTC)
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Sitting calmly at my desk and controlling my breathing is all that works with me, too.
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