Kerri (solan_t) wrote,

  • Mood:
Either I have insomnia, or I just want to hurt myself. When I consider the latter, I think 'oh, that's bad. You shouldn't hurt yourself. You should be punished for doing something so bad' which just leads to, you guessed it, hurting myself. I am most tired today, but that's got a lot to do with sleeping poorly night before last (why? Lord only knows. Bad food. Anxiety. someone else being unable to sleep well - the question being was my lack of sleep a cause or effect of the other's lack of restful sleep, don't know that, either. Oh, look, something else I can castigate myself over - ruining someone else's sleep), and utterly failing my sanity check or something and reading until 5:30 am (the alarm was set for 6:30. Why did I bother going to sleep, anyway?!) So I beat myself up about staying awake so long, when I was staying up late as a means of beating myself up for something that had happened before (or so I surmise. I mean, it makes sense, in a deluded sort of way. I think. Ah, heck I don't know WHY I repeatedly ignored the voice of reason last night/this morning.)

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