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The difference between real sex and porn - Melodramatic, corsetted mistress of the obscure
January 19th, 2006
08:58 am

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The difference between real sex and porn
Porn has to be interesting to the observer. Real sex really only has to be interesting to the participants. Discuss.

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From:stormknight
Date:January 19th, 2006 03:04 pm (UTC)
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Yep.

And yep.

Willing to discuss, but need to find someone from a differing view.
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From:solan_t
Date:January 19th, 2006 03:06 pm (UTC)
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The problem I suppose I am trying to get at is up when someone has based their understanding of sex on porn.
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From:tapestry01
Date:January 19th, 2006 03:32 pm (UTC)
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Porn is all about the performance. It's all for the audience. It's the illusion of sex: the elements and mechanics of sex are there, but everyone has to still look good, smile for the camera, and show their best side. It's a show, a play, a circus act (particularly the one where they try to see how many clowns they can fit into one tiny little car...)

The most interesting porn is when nobody cares how they look, how they sound, or what ridiculous expressions they have on their faces-- the people just focus on the pleasure of being together: giving, experiencing, and sharing the joy of sex.
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From:stormknight
Date:January 19th, 2006 03:35 pm (UTC)
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Hence my passing interest in Amateur Porn. It's just there. You watch it, and it's pretty darn cool. No primping, no gettign the angles just right.

And certainly no piped in moaning and limp-dick. "Yeah... they're really getting into it." *yawn*
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From:solan_t
Date:January 19th, 2006 04:06 pm (UTC)
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This is precisely what I was getting out with my original post, yes.
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From:electron_pusher
Date:January 19th, 2006 03:45 pm (UTC)
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You mean we're not supposed to stand over the fucktoy like a god and spew messy stuff into their eyes and expect them to be eternally grateful ???


I enjoy some types of porn for visual stimulation and for some minor ideas (esp non vanilla porn).

I do NOT try to watch this porn w/ my sweeties nor do I have any belief that this is the way "IT IS DONE!".
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From:solan_t
Date:January 19th, 2006 03:50 pm (UTC)
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*snickers*

But, yes, I have picked up tips from porn. And yes, many from non-vanilla porn. But, as you say, it's never a case of "This is how it is supposed to be." But I suspect my ex-husband did have that idea, especially that PoV you made the joke about. It can be harmful to relationships.
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From:electron_pusher
Date:January 19th, 2006 03:54 pm (UTC)
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"It can be harmful to relationships."

If you met someone really like that, yes it could be.

I mean my favorite porn would get me literally thrown in jail if I tried to act it out. I AM smart enough to keep fantasy as such :).

Mr. Ex-Husband, meet reality. Reality, please smack Mr. Ex ....
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From:angelbedwell
Date:January 19th, 2006 04:17 pm (UTC)
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My opinion (as honestly I very inexperienced with porn)...porn doesn't have to be interesting to the observer. I'd say stimulating to the observer. Is it a myth that most pornographic consumers are people looking for a masturbatory stimulus?

Sadly for some and far too often tragically, real sex doesn't have to be interesting to the participants. HAWT, mind-bendingly good, some of the best I've ever had - how did you make my toes curl like that sex, yes MUST be interesting to the participants.

I agree with your statements with the above qualifiers. Interesting question.
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From:solan_t
Date:January 19th, 2006 04:32 pm (UTC)
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I am finding in my 'old' age, that I won't settle for 'eh' anymore. It's gotta be that mind-bending, toe curling kind. lol
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From:xthread
Date:January 19th, 2006 05:14 pm (UTC)
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Mind you, 'interesting to the observer' is extremely culturally dependent. Late seventies porn is very different from what Vivid and Harmony and Evil Angel are putting out. Hell, I'm not sure Vivid is even still in business. Some other interesting snippets from the outside world -

  1. a large fraction of the video rental market is female; the last working theory I saw was that they were renting it as a way to get the boyfriend hot and bothered, although that theory was before the last few years fascination with face shots.
  2. there's been some scholarly research suggesting that the reason for the sharp turn towards objectification in the last several years (yes, the last few years output is really quite different from some of the trends in the late nineties) is that the situation on the ground is that men have very little control in the bedroom, and the fantasy being sold isn't about sex, it's about control


And let me close by noting that 'interesting to the participants' reliably takes more work than 'interesting to the observer,' in particular that it requires much more communication from the participants.
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From:solan_t
Date:January 19th, 2006 05:33 pm (UTC)
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I haven't seen much of the current porn. Mostly stuff from the 90's, so I am not sure I can speak to that part. Lots of face shots even then. But that could just have been my ex's taste in porn.

Your last point, however, is quite true. And something no porn is ever going to show you.
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From:lapis_lazuli615
Date:January 19th, 2006 07:25 pm (UTC)
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Haven't we had this conversation before - to some extent? Or is that what led to this?

I think that unless some kind of education goes on, young men go out into the world with unrealistic expectations of what will happen when they do get laid - The woman will spread for him willingly with little or no foreplay and go straight to the realm of multiple orgasm.

It just doesn't happen.

Nor do the majority of women enjoy pearl necklaces, animals, anal sex (though I'm sure there are more on this one than I think there are) or some of the OBVIOUSLY uncomfortable positions porn stars find.

It's unrealistic and it's killing romance.

Now, this is only my opinion of course. And it's not ALL based on porn. Women are just as to blame for handing "romance novels" over to their daughters without the explanation that the real world just isn't that way. There's no such damn thing as "Happily Ever After".

So now we have young women with higher expectations of romance and 'blossoming' and fireworks... and we have young men thinking that all they've gotta do is stick tab A into slot B and she'll see fireworks. (Certainly HE will).

I think it all comes down to a lack of communication. Sure, fantasy is fine and dandy. It's not going to ruin the world or make us live in a world of make-believe in our heads (unless we were already half-way there to begin with). But I think that relationships in a fantasy and sci-fi setting are more *obviously* fantasy than those in porn and/or romance novels. Young people, even bright intelligent young people, find it harder to tell the difference between what the world SHOULD be like and what the world IS like, and there's no one out there doing any explaining/educating.

I've got more 2 cents, but I'll save it for further discussion, if anyone's interested. :)

Laz.
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From:lapis_lazuli615
Date:January 19th, 2006 07:31 pm (UTC)
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Since I can't edit my comments on your LJ, here's a link to the "previous discussion" I was referring to.
(See Here)
From:starstraf
Date:January 21st, 2006 09:42 pm (UTC)
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Porn must be interesting to the person footing the bill.

Real sex has to have meaning to the participants, it might not be sexual satisfaction to both, but all involved must have a reason.

I lucked out, my first lover was wonderful, we were both inexperienced, but cared for each other very much and wanted to explore all this 'sex' stuff, lots of time trying to figure out what we liked and didn't. If it had not been so wonderful my second expereicne (which was rape) would very likely have turned me off, but no I had the opposite reaction, wanting to reclaim the positive aspects of my sexuality

commenting on a few threads in this in one reply
The women in porn that are hot at everyone and love cum on them are just acting the way the director (usually male) wants them to act. Some men that porn is marketed to have low self-esteem so women that want everyone would want them to, and the cum showers are often based on the fact that when men masturbate to magazines they get cum on the pictures, and therefore think of cum on women as their own (just my theory)

"so many young people have porn as their ONLY portal into sex - that is bad." - AH, see I mistakely assume that everyone had the same upbringing I did in this way. I had two different "about your sexuality" classes (One at the prespetarian church and one at the unitarian), and a mother who was sex positive (Gave me a vibrator on my sweet 16 so I could learn what I enjoy the most and direct my lover to better please me).
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