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I got this from darkgaze2002 - Melodramatic, corsetted mistress of the obscure
March 22nd, 2006
11:01 am

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I got this from darkgaze2002
RAISING MALE CHILDREN
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.


The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY BOYS (and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCRs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without children

(27 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments
 
[User Picture]
From:starseeking
Date:March 22nd, 2006 05:14 pm (UTC)
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I'm in catagory "a" and agree. This is durn hi-larry-ous!
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From:roseconnelly
Date:March 22nd, 2006 05:35 pm (UTC)
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24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

That was the funniest one of all of them :)


25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without children


I was already thinking about who I would send this to while reading it.
[User Picture]
From:solan_t
Date:March 22nd, 2006 05:50 pm (UTC)
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Same here - on both points. ;D
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From:silverfae
Date:March 22nd, 2006 08:07 pm (UTC)
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er... I wonder how many percent of *women* would try it?

I'm considering it. ;)
[User Picture]
From:solan_t
Date:March 22nd, 2006 08:12 pm (UTC)
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I admit to a certain curiosity myself.



But I bet it wouldn't be hard to find a guy doing it (or set him up, even! But that's just mean. (where did I leave that Clorox?)) and get the curiosity itch scratched while maintaining the high ground.
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From:skyflame
Date:March 22nd, 2006 08:23 pm (UTC)
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Here's another one for you, Chemistry Girl:

a) Go to store and buy some dry ice pellets.
b) Fill up a plastic container (i.e. a 2L bottle) about 4/5 with warm water.
c) Drop 3 or 4 pellets into container and quickly screw on cap.
d) Roll container away from you.
e) Run like hell. :)

It's...very impressive.
[User Picture]
From:solan_t
Date:March 22nd, 2006 08:25 pm (UTC)
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Like I haven't posted about playing with dry ice and liquid nitrogen at work already. :p
[User Picture]
From:silverfae
Date:March 22nd, 2006 09:52 pm (UTC)
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Oh sure, that WOULD be easy.
But you know, I'm secretly a "let's blow things up" kinda woman.
I wanna do it myself.

I really didn't say that, Mr Bush.
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From:morgaath
Date:March 25th, 2006 12:43 am (UTC)
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Please do not do it.
It is not a good thing to breath.
It is along the same lines as Clorox and Bleach. Sure your house is clean, but what does that matter when they find you dead?
[User Picture]
From:silverfae
Date:March 26th, 2006 10:10 pm (UTC)
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See this? ;)

it's called an emoticon, and it symbolizes a wink.
that means i'm kidding.
[User Picture]
From:tapestry01
Date:March 22nd, 2006 06:20 pm (UTC)
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It is possible to explode a tomato in a microwave.

Don't ask me how I know.
[User Picture]
From:solan_t
Date:March 22nd, 2006 06:43 pm (UTC)
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Bwahahahahahahah!

Somehow, I have a hyperactive son, and NONE of these things have happened to me. I guess he's saving up for his teen years. :|
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From:stormknight
Date:March 22nd, 2006 07:43 pm (UTC)
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Now now... it's not nice to suggest that your child is a time-bomb waiting to explode with the right application of hormones.

Oh... wait, *you* Aren't suggesting that... are you?
[User Picture]
From:solan_t
Date:March 22nd, 2006 08:05 pm (UTC)
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I was laughing at what Tim said. The comment was just something I thought of afterwards. Then I had that truely sobering thought that he's just saving it all up. (*has memory of a brother using a Lil' Slugger bat in the house and destroying the front panel of a rather large aquarium* Shoot, Thomas hasn't done ANYTHING like this. Something has to be wrong!)
[User Picture]
From:stormknight
Date:March 22nd, 2006 08:38 pm (UTC)
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Nah. You're just lucky... so far. :o)
[User Picture]
From:starseeking
Date:March 22nd, 2006 09:25 pm (UTC)
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Eggs go blooey in there as well.
From:the_themiscyran
Date:March 22nd, 2006 07:52 pm (UTC)
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Doesn't have to be your son, just ask Gareth. He could easily add to #15.

15.a) VCRs are never hungry for pizza, despite the fact that they have open "mouths".

He learned this from his daughters.
[User Picture]
From:solan_t
Date:March 22nd, 2006 07:59 pm (UTC)
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There does appear to be something irresistable about the tape slot of a VCR. ;p
[User Picture]
From:silverfae
Date:March 22nd, 2006 08:04 pm (UTC)
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It's genetic hard-wiring for continuation of the species, ins't it?
[User Picture]
From:solan_t
Date:March 22nd, 2006 08:05 pm (UTC)
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LOL
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From:skyflame
Date:March 22nd, 2006 08:05 pm (UTC)
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26) An Off! can and a cigarette lighter produces flames three feet long.

*whistles*
[User Picture]
From:solan_t
Date:March 22nd, 2006 08:06 pm (UTC)
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LOL

Please, don't tell me how old. I don't wanna know.
[User Picture]
From:skyflame
Date:March 22nd, 2006 08:16 pm (UTC)
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It's a Boy Scout trick. :P
[User Picture]
From:silverfae
Date:March 22nd, 2006 09:55 pm (UTC)
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and with hairspray, it's a .. um.. Girl Scout trick.
Yah, that's what it is.
[User Picture]
From:louie_d_
Date:March 22nd, 2006 08:38 pm (UTC)
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So does an upside-down can of "dust off" and a cigarette lighter.
[User Picture]
From:solan_t
Date:March 23rd, 2006 01:14 am (UTC)
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lol
[User Picture]
From:silverfae
Date:March 22nd, 2006 09:57 pm (UTC)
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Here's another scary one...

If you fill your mouth with butane from a disposable lighter and go "poof" while lighting same little lighter, you too can be a fire-eater.

Disposable butane lighters accidently dropped into nightclub plastic-net decorated candles cause scary explosions too.
I honestly only witnessed that one.
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