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"This was supposed to be the biggest day of my client's life but it… - Melodramatic, corsetted mistress of the obscure
November 26th, 2008
09:08 am

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"This was supposed to be the biggest day of my client's life but it turned out to be the worst, her wedding was ruined.


I have seen variations on this statement so many times, and it just sickens me.


Why, exactly, is a wedding 'The biggest day' of any woman's life? Not the birth of her children? Not the day she graduates from, say, college? Not the day a project she's spent her whole life on finally comes to fruition? No, some short, expensive ceremony that, historically, makes her the property of some man.


Ugh.

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From:radcliffe
Date:November 26th, 2008 03:19 pm (UTC)
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Ugh, I know!

There is also the RUINED bit. If the wedding is indeed the best/biggest/most vital day of a life then why on earth can one mistake ruin it? One crashed guest, one fight, one dress, one spill, or whatever.

It is just building in a DRAMA factor with hands waving and relatives freaking.

*shudder*
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From:solan_t
Date:November 26th, 2008 03:28 pm (UTC)
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Absolutely!




(althought that quote comes from an incident where the bride's skirt parted ways with her bodice and she seems to have mooned the audience. I know it makes me a bad person, but that's hilarious. And ... I seem to remember that happening to the villianess in some kids' cartoon movie, come to think.)
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From:radcliffe
Date:November 26th, 2008 03:58 pm (UTC)
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Hee hee, yeah that *is* bad. Funny. but bad.
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From:clevermanka
Date:November 26th, 2008 03:55 pm (UTC)
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Why, exactly, is a wedding 'The biggest day' of any woman's life?

You honor, in defense of my client's statement that women still do not have equal rights in our society, may I present Exhibit A?
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From:solan_t
Date:November 26th, 2008 04:39 pm (UTC)
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Heh.
(Deleted comment)
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From:solan_t
Date:November 26th, 2008 04:36 pm (UTC)
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I wonder if this very paradigm is behind so much of the animosity against gay marriage. After all, who is going to be 'made' into something real in a marriage between two men or two women?


I have long suspected that the backlash against drag queens, for instance, is that they are proof that a great deal of 'feminine allure' is, in fact, artifice, and most people don't like their comfortable assumptions questioned.
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From:clevermanka
Date:November 26th, 2008 05:11 pm (UTC)
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Oooh. Good thinkin'! I never thought about either of those points.
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From:silverfae
Date:November 26th, 2008 07:47 pm (UTC)
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Brava! and that's why the rest of us love da drag queens!!
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From:starstraf
Date:November 28th, 2008 04:52 pm (UTC)
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and that many of the 'most beautiful women' are actually XXY in their chromoson makeup
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From:affreca
Date:November 26th, 2008 04:33 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, that's been a touchy subject for me the last two months or so. I knew what I didn't want out of the whole mess. At this point, it is just paperwork for me. But I still felt like I was expected to make it into a big deal.
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From:solan_t
Date:November 26th, 2008 04:37 pm (UTC)
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I can totally understand.
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From:sewinggoddess
Date:November 26th, 2008 04:33 pm (UTC)
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i agree and it makes me horribly sad. The day I realized I didn't HAVE to be subservient to any man was the awakening of my life. Being raised in a very father-dominated home, my mom, very submissive to this day... it took soooo much therapy & reprogramming for me to overcome.

i still have a touch of 'man' issues... there are some men in my life (clients at work) that really rub me the wrong way since they treat all women as not as smart as they think they are...

gah... can-o-worms released!!!... ARGH!
[User Picture]
From:solan_t
Date:November 26th, 2008 04:37 pm (UTC)
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Sorry about the can of worms.
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From:sewinggoddess
Date:November 26th, 2008 10:32 pm (UTC)
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LOL, no biggie... I just now what you mean^__^ HUGS!
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From:fairgoldberry
Date:November 26th, 2008 04:47 pm (UTC)
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It drives me kind of nuts too. I think that the wedding is actually the most important *single* day in a marital relationship (in the "the stuff you do every day actually contributes more to a pattern of healthy interaction but no one of those every days is necessarily significant" kind of way), and that the "Your wedding is the most important day in your life," is actually, "Since your relationship is the most important thing about you, and your wedding is the biggest day of your partnership, then obviously the wedding is the biggest day of your life!"

When I got married, my now-ex-husband gave me a sword as a wedding present. I went to buckle it on over my skirts (the whole of the male half of the wedding party was armed to the teeth), and he and several other people stopped me, saying, "It's not appropriate for the bride to be armed!" The message was pretty clear, that I was there to look pretty and be protected as I was handed off from one man to another. My request for the bridesmaids to carry their own weapons was met with equal amazement. Just another of the many signs something wasn't right.

I've said for the last few years that if I remarry, it's going to be a little backyard ceremony with about 30 people and a homemade cake and 'dressy' clothes but no production. Then I started dating a man (recently divorced) who said that if he ever remarries, he wants the production, and I had to think, "Wait, would I accept the production for a partner it meant a lot to?" And the answer to that is yeah, I would, but I think I'd let *him* have the super-princess experience of being everyone's center of attention, doing all the planning, that sort of thing, and take the 'traditional' groom stance of "Tell me what to wear and where to stand and I'll make sure not to shove cake up your nose."

I love weddings. It's a big party with pretty dress and tuxedoes and cake. What's not to love? I've actually considered going into wedding planning as a side business (specializing in 'nontrad' weddings like same-sex, handfastings, or group marriages), and promoting forcibly low-stress weddings.

Much love,
Rowan
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From:solan_t
Date:November 26th, 2008 05:04 pm (UTC)
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"Tell me what to wear and where to stand and I'll make sure not to shove cake up your nose."


Bwahahahahahahah!

But, yes. Yes to all of that.


Edited at 2008-11-26 05:04 pm (UTC)
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From:clevermanka
Date:November 26th, 2008 05:13 pm (UTC)
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Tell me what to wear and where to stand and I'll make sure not to shove cake up your nose.

That was my favorite line, too. LOVE!
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From:the_themiscyran
Date:November 26th, 2008 06:44 pm (UTC)
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In answer to your question, no idea. Well, other than, I blame the media, at least in part. Some women are naturally inclined toward being the "pretty, pretty, princess", and over time, an industry has grown up around catering to that, which makes other women think that that is what they are supposed to want, too. I worked in the DIY end of the wedding business for ten years, and the sales-pitch in most every bit of written material has both barrels aimed firmly at the bride, instead of at the couple. Of course, even before that, our females grow up in a society where the first stories they hear about other girls end in "Then she married her prince and they lived happily ever after."

I'm not even going to get started on the sickening amount of money that people spend on weddings. *ugh* I mean seriously, if you have that kind of money to spend, buy a house for a poor family and throw in free groceries for a year.
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From:verminiusrex
Date:November 26th, 2008 07:40 pm (UTC)
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Our outfits were cheap, the rental place was inexpensive, we had almost no decorations and only cake. But our family and friends were all there, so that made it a special day.

Biggest day? Nope, Marz would probably reserve that day for either the birth of our children, or when she got her MacBook.
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From:geekmom
Date:November 28th, 2008 01:34 am (UTC)
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The birth of our children was "ruined" by them being completely off the birth plan and arriving early. Or maybe the best events in life can't be scripted out and ruined by something as silly as a wardrobe malfunction or imperfect decoration. Nah, what silly talk. It would have to be the MacBook then.
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From:solan_t
Date:November 28th, 2008 01:45 am (UTC)
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Heh!
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From:thebruce
Date:November 26th, 2008 08:10 pm (UTC)
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I so very much agree with your assessment of it. It's because for many, it's the fulfillment of traditionalist programming and perceived societal expectations. And usually quite anticlimactic.
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From:_jeremiad
Date:December 10th, 2008 09:21 pm (UTC)
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I completely agree with this.
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